A little faith and a lot of love go a long way…

My Toddler is the Devil

on September 3, 2012

Once upon a time I didn’t have kids and I judged everyone who did.  “I’ll never do that” I said so long ago in a far away land. “My kids will eat organic, healthy meals loaded with veggies and fruits for every meal.”  “My kids won’t act like that in public.”  Blah, blah, blah. Then I pushed two humans out into this world.

Look at me, I push babies out like I’m gettin’ paid to do it!

Well, one of those humans is headed towards 3. As in 3 years. As in that might be as far as he makes it.

Don’t let this adorable face fool you…he is the King of Darkness right now.

Everyone talks about the terrible twos…how awful these little two year old tornadoes are. What no one (usually) tells you is how horrible the threes are.  Thankfully I have a good friend who did. I just wish I had believed her earlier.

This is the same friend who consoled me as I cried in the bathtub, (and here’s where I should clarify that we were on the phone), right after giving birth to the Gorilla when the raging hormones had me convinced that I was not cut out to be a mother and who the hell at the hospital thought it was ok to send a baby human home with me and how the hell was I supposed to keep him alive and love him all at the same time? She calmly told me that it was normal to feel that way and that my bond with my son would come in time andto  just take it minute by minute at that point. Just survive for now and everything will be ok.  She promised. She was right.

Sometimes great advice comes in unexpected places…
Oh and I wish I had a bathtub/bathroom like this…

She was also right that 3 is worse than 2. And my little devil isn’t even 3 yet. He’s currently 2 years 7 months. He must be advanced though because it’s like his pudgy little toddler hands opened up the gates of Hell themselves and he is the King of Darkness. He has always been a strong-willed child, since birth, but he’s taking it to a whole new level recently.

Last year’s Christmas photo…he wasn’t even 2 yet…he’s always been…”strong-willed.”

When he needed a time out before, my little man would walk to the time-out step and sit quietly, maybe pout a bit with his adorable bottom lip stuck out, but he’d take his consequence like a man and then move on. Now? Oh no. No, no, no. When he’s told it’s time to take a break, an ungodly sound erupts from his little body….”NOOOOOOOOOOOO MAMA! NO! NO! NO! NO TIME OUT!” and then he throws himself to the floor, completely rigid and unmoving.

Cut to me trying to lift a screaming, stiff-as-a-board 2 1/2 year old who is as big as a 4 year old. He also happens to be stronger than me.  (Hindsight is 20/20 – this is what happens when you marry and multiply with a man who is 6’6, 300 pounds. You get a monstrous toddler son who can overpower you in seconds. It’s why Daddy takes him for hair cuts, not me.)

Everyday, every hour, this kid is testing us. No, he will not share with his nearly 1-year old sister. No, he will not stop throwing things across the room. No, he will not wear pants. No, he will not eat anything other than fruit snacks, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and chicken nuggets. No, no, no. Everything is NO. And he’s not even 3 yet.

Someone tell me that 4 is better. Please. For the love of all that is holy, for my sanity, tell me that 4 is better.


9 responses to “My Toddler is the Devil

  1. gelytayz says:

    Wow, I was anticipating on when we will finally have a baby boy running around the house. I’ve never experienced these on my 3 years old daughter, lucky me. Wait till he reaches “explorer 3”; I can see his unstoppable.=) My only problem with my daughter is that she wants to do everything by herself. She always cuts me out and she’ll say she can do this and that because she’s a big girl already. Also handling her frustrations were always a big challenge for me whenever I say no to her or she wasn’t able to do the things that she wants. Parenting is a sweet challenge for mom’s like

  2. mommyverse says:

    My PS is three and a half and, while generally a pleasant boy, has his time-out tantrums, too. It doesn’t matter what he’s done, he never finds it half as upsetting (nor do I, mostly) as the prospect of time-out itself. The screaming and crying and hitting is bad, but so is it when your precious little one stomps, raises his pointer finger and says, “No! Don’t say that word to me. You time out, Mommy!” I’m never sure if I should laugh, shout, or cry in that moment…

  3. LOL, I usually laugh when mine says stuff like that…totally not what I’m supposed to do, I know. I probably shouldn’t be surprised that he continues to do it, but he’s just so darn cute, even when he’s yelling and pointing fingers! 🙂

  4. Ha! It only gets worse as they get older. The problems and the worries seem to grow exponentially, and I have a great kid! Oh well, enjoy EVERY moment because before you know it the Gorilla will be all grown up!!!!

  5. Alisha says:

    I love four (mostly)! But some days it’s like three with a bigger vocabulary 🙂

    • Is this THE Alisha – the one who gives me awesome advice in the bathtub?!? (By phone!) (BTW for anyone reading, she is supermom…my mama role model!)

      Logan’s recently shown lots of growth in language and it’s definitely funny to listen to him make his demands and throw his fits using complete sentences. It’s like watching/listening to Big Daddy Byron and his tantrums. 😉

  6. […] he’s MY gorilla. I know I rant from time to time…but I love that kid. He is HILARIOUS and helpful and loving and I can’t get […]

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