prayteachlove

A little faith and a lot of love go a long way…

Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Mind

on October 16, 2012

Last week was rough. It felt like a neverending work week. The students were great, they haven’t stressed me out too much this year so far.  One of the reasons for my stress levels shooting through the roof is that my student teacher is done on Thursday, the 18th, so I started teaching for the majority of the day last week. Poor me, right? 😉 It was like adjusting from summer all over again.  Though I definitely wasn’t doing nothing while she was teaching, I was getting all the extras done that I typically either don’t do or do a half-assed job with since there’s never enough time. So now that I’m back to reality, it’s taken me a few days to get back into a routine. I’ve chosen not to manage my time very well either this weekend (like blogging instead of working on my grad assignment) so that’s not helping. Ah well, it’s not like I sleep anyway. That was just one of the things that was weighing on my mind.

Another was that I had a very humbling experience. (I think I used humble correctly. Not 100% sure. Lucky for you I don’t really care right now if I’m using words in the correct context. I just hope I sound smart.) I try to stay positive and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. However there is someone I’ve judged over the past few years.  I really haven’t wasted too much time judging this person thankfully, but in passing I’ve been guilty. Never thought twice about it. Stood on my soapbox when I could and spouted off to anyone who would listen about how I don’t like being judged when people don’t really know me or my story.  But I kept judging.

Yup, that’s me. The hypocritical Christian though, although I’m far from perfect, I never thought of myself that way very often in recent years as I’ve tried to get my life in order until this past week.  And then it hit me hard. Why? Because I had a couple of random (yeah right it was random….all in God’s plan!) opportunities to get to know the person I had been occasionally judging from afar. Man, was I ever wrong. So, so wrong. I forgot that I’m not the only person with a story. This person has a story too. And though I don’t know this person very well yet, I’ve come to realize that our stories may be more similar than different.

As I thought about that one evening, the realization that I had been so hypocritical hit me like a ton of bricks. Then it occurred to me that I had been making some other judgements that are probably unjust. I may not like the people I’ve judged but they’ve got stories too. I may not care to know their story and they may not care to know mine – and that’s ok – but we’ve all got stories. And I should just leave well enough alone and spend my time and energy on something that’s more worthwhile and positive than dwelling on the negative.

It’s also made me more aware of how I’ve been/am being judged. It’s pretty obvious when it happens. I’m insecure as it is so of course it’s an uncomfortable feeling for me to know about it…but at the same time, it’s been a blessing that it’s happened. Because my focus should not be, and will not be from this point forward, on what others think of me. Frankly, I don’t care because it doesn’t matter. The only opinion I need to care about is God’s opinion. Am I living the way He knows I should be? Nope, not if I’m spending my time judging others or worrying about what the world thinks about me.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that these recent events occurred at the same time. I needed my eyes opened as the one casting judgement and the one being judged unjustly. I thank God for that because I know that after this past week, these are some areas of my life that I know I need to start reflecting on more and trying to improve.

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