A little faith and a lot of love go a long way…

Super Mom? Super FAIL!

on October 31, 2012

I really want to be THAT mom. The one who has it all together. The fashionable career woman who balances her work and motherhood with considerable ease. I have yet to truly accept that I’m not that Mom. So I keep trying. And I keep failing. But the upside is that I am getting quite a few laughs out of my feeble attempts. 🙂

With Hurricane Sandy giving all of us East Coasters a good scare, I got to have an extra 2 days with my family. I thought it would be fun for the kiddos and I to make some cream filled chocolate cupcakes. They are supposed to be gourmet. I’m not even posting the link though because you’ll soon see it was not worth it.

For my baby girl’s 1st birthday earlier this month I made another kind of cupcake from the same site and they were ok but dry. I figured that was because I’m a pretty horrible cook/baker so I probably messed something up.

Pinterest inspired (dry) cupcakes and chocolate covered strawberries for my daughter’s 1st birthday.

Up close shot of the birthday girl’s big cupcake!

So tonight we embarked on our second cupcake-from-scratch adventure. First Big Daddy Byron gave me a tutorial on how to use the Kitchenaid mixer. He even made me repeat the steps back to him.

You don’t scare me Kitchenaid mixer!

However the Gorilla thought you were loud.

So far, so good…

All was going well.  Binxy was playing happily. The Gorilla was being such a good helper.  Then we put the cupcakes in to bake.

My first clue that this was not going to go as planned….they are overflowing…

Apparently my idea of “3/4 full” is different than the rest of the world’s idea of filling a baking cup 3/4 full. I swear I filled them according to the directions. Did I get a ruler out and make sure I was PRECISE? Hell no, we haven’t instituted the Common Core in our house so no I did not! (Teachers, you’ll get that. Everyone else, you will not. Sorry.)

But we kept plugging along…I pulled the cupcakes out when I was supposed to and besides having overflowed they looked pretty tasty. Then I actually tried to get them out to fully cool.

First cupcake I got out and I knew this was a complete fail. The birthday cupcakes from Binxy’s party? Too dry…these bad boys? WAY TOO MOIST. Completely fell apart.

I was not to be deterred by some moist cupcakes though. Oh no. I had to continue on. So I whipped up the cream filling though I had not yet determined exactly how I was going to fill cupcakes that fell apart if you walked past them faster than a 0.5 mph pace.

So, I was supposed to mix this all together until it was “spreadable.” Um, how about blew right past spreadable and ended up at “pourable.” This was not a cream, it was a liquid.

Still, I could not be stopped. We were going to make cream filled gourmet Pinterest cupcakes and nothing would stop me. I had to be that mom. “Look at me! I work a gazillion hours a week but occasionally I find time to whip up some delectable gourmet cupcakes for my little family! Don’t you wish you were me?!”

I took a little taste of the cream. Not totally horrible but who the hell decided it was ok to tell people to put a “dash” of something in a recipe? What exactly is a dash? I can tell yout his – it is NOT 1/8 of a teaspoon. Turns out, 1/8 teaspoon of almond extract in this particular recipe equals a super sweet almondy-cream. GROSS.  Even that wouldn’t stop me though.  My babies needed these cupcakes, even if they tasted like trash that had been sitting in the hot July sun for 48 hours because we all forgot the trash guys don’t come on the 4th of July holiday.

As I realized I had to somehow get this fluid cream into the center of the cupcakes which had alread deteriorated, I began to get anxious. We had just had a hurricane pass through yet I was more panicked about these damn cupcakes. So I found a few that looked like they might not completely cumble all at once and began to work.

Look, I kinda did it!

So I filled 3 or so cupcakes and was admiring my handiwork. In that 3 seconds that I took to myself in which I could feel the beginnings of pride start to replace the ball of anxiety in my gut, I looked at the bowl of cream. CURDLED.

You think curdled cream filling will stop this determined mama? You’re outta your mind.

By this time the Gorilla was busy torturing his baby sister who was busy torturing my ear drums with her screams. I deftly lifted her to my hip, gave the Gorilla my signature side-eye and threat of an early bedtime (which I never follow through with…sign me up for Parent of the Year!), and finished the job I began.

Ta-da! Gourmet curdled cream-filled chocolate cupcakes courtesy of a big, fat PINTEREST FAIL!

Can I have more chocolate crumbs Mama? Let’s forget about that cream though.

There are three things you can count on though…

1.)  This will definitely be submitted to that Pinterest Fail site at some point.

2.)  This cannot keep me away from Pinterest nor did it curb my desire to be that mom.

3.)  Big Daddy Byron will eat these cupcakes. He will eat anything. Ew.




8 responses to “Super Mom? Super FAIL!

  1. eclecticlamb says:

    I am sorry that you had so much trouble but your post was very entertaining.

  2. Ha! That’s a way too familiar kitchen experience for me too! I feel your “pain” and I am laughing right along with you. 🙂

  3. Angela Garland says:

    Writing is definitely your gift…I felt as if I were sitting right next to you listening to the story of your failed cupcakes! Listen, you get LOTS of points for trying to work and be “THAT” mom. Let’s both be thankful to Sandy that we got a couple of days to enjoy our little ones and know that you’re a great wife, mom, and co-worker. See you in the AM!!

  4. […] Super Mom? Super FAIL! Nov […]

  5. […] Stir, stir, stir.  I got this! I was feeling proud. This wouldn’t turn out like the curdled cupcake incident. I spread the mixture into a container evenly.  All that was left was sprinkling on some […]

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