prayteachlove

A little faith and a lot of love go a long way…

And then it all came crashing down

on June 10, 2015

My last post occurred on January 25, 2014. On January 30, my entire life changed when a mass was discovered on my dad’s lung.

                
For almost 4 months, we hoped and prayed and begged for more time. On May 20, 2014 my daddy left this world.

To describe this past year of grief and trying to figure out what “normal” means now is impossible. One thing that is certain however, is that this has been the darkest year of my life.                

Recently, I decided to read through these blog posts. Oh, how different my life used to be. It made me yearn for my life before cancer. Writing those posts and sharing my Pinterest fails, motherhood snafus, adventures in the classroom, silly thoughts on life and the struggles I thought I had before cancer made me happy. 

It’s time to write again. I need a way to document the times I now smile so that I can read back through them when the grief or my new reality grip me. I also need a space to express my imperfections and the darkness I sometimes wander through. You may question, why make this space so public? 

I’ve been blessed to share much of my struggle and journey privately with a select few loved ones and yes, my counselor. Within the past month though, my experiences have been helpful to a dear friend of mine and I thought, what if there are others out there who need to know they aren’t alone, whatever their personal challenges may be? 

I’m not the same person I was on January 25, 2014. Not by a long shot. I think the people who love me the most, my family and friends, often find it challenging to understand who I am now. And that’s ok, because I don’t even fully know who I am now, just that I’m very different post-cancer…and I’m ok with that right now. 

  

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5 responses to “And then it all came crashing down

  1. Jodi Heilman says:

    It’s ironic that I received your blog update today. Earlier today I was sitting in the doctor’s office with my Mom after they found a mass in her lung on a pre-op CT. Thanks for sharing your journey and feelings with me. Jodi

  2. Jodi Heilman says:

    Maybe ironic is the wrong word….I meant perfect timing! ☺

  3. Amy says:

    You’re a tough cookie. You wear a smile on your face and radiate sunshine. I’m so sorry for your sadness. Perhaps work was a place for you to hide from the darkness.

  4. Sondra says:

    As you know I just started sharing my story and I know by you sharing your struggle others will be inspired by you. When I read your post, it made me think that you didn’t blog for the same reason as me.. it’s sometimes hard to just pretend everything is okay all of the time when it’s not. You’re brave to share your story, but I’m so sorry. I’m proud of you.

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