A little faith and a lot of love go a long way…

The ultimate road trip: Part 2

on June 20, 2015

Captain’s Log

Day 2

Stardate: June 18, 2015

After a long day and a fitful night of sleep, the children and I awoke at 8:00 am. We are scheduled to leave at 9:00 am so I quickly shower and make sure everything is packed so we can head to breakfast in the hotel lobby at 8:30 am. I have not yet heard from my mother, though I’ve already texted her, so we stop at her room. 

It appears she has overslept. 😠 I am unmedicated and have not yet had coffee so I know it is best that I remove myself from what could potentially be a dangerous situation. 

So I take my children as well as my niece and nephew to breakfast by myself. Exactly how I wanted to start my second day, especially when my nephew side eyes me and demands to know if I am SURE I know how to make him a waffle using the available waffle maker. Of course I am…with the help of the kind attendant. He does not need to know this detail.

My mom finally arrives to the chaos and tries to tame a feisty Binxy with yogurt.

(Oh yes, Binxy now wears glasses…)

By 10 am we are on the road when I realize we need gas. After filling up, we are traveling again when the children announce that they need to pee so we stop yet again. Truly, we begin our trek at around 10:30 am. 

We choose to forgo the movies today and stick to the radio and everyone seems content and calm with that. At 1 pm we stop for lunch at McDonald’s so we can pee but grab food to eat in the car as we continue on. It is clear here that everyone believes me to be a single mom of these 4 children and one kind man befriends me and informs me that one day I really will miss these days. He is a silly man.

Finally, we have reached Florida… 

By 3:51 pm, the world has gone mad. My 9 year old niece has lost control of her bowels and the gas she passes is suffocating us all. My son and nephew are demanding to know, “WHY ARE WE STILL DRIVING?!?” And Lucy will only answer questions and address everyone as Figaro. Constantly. Over and over. Figaro, Figaro, Fiiiigggaaarrrooooo!!

The good news is, the Gorilla can now read and identify numbers 70 – 102 due to the temperature on the dash of the van. Score 1 for the math teacher!

With 1 hour and 2 minutes left before we reach our hotel, the children begin mortal combat over a comb. Right before blood is shed, the comb is safely in my possession. 

At that point, my mother begins giving an educational lecture on Spanish moss TO NO ONE while my nephew makes the world’s loudest fart noises using his hand and underarm. A guttural scream erupts from tiny Binxy who then explodes with, “I’M SO ANGRY!!” I continue begging my mom to just gun it and break all laws to get us to the hotel. She declines.

With 20 minutes left, Binxy has had enough. She begins giggling hysterically and removing her clothes. I am at my wit’s end and cannot take much more. Finally, I spy a liquor store and my heart soars as I realize it is within walking distance to our hotel.

We arrive to my brother and sister-in-law waiting for us in the parking lot and it is as if the van explodes as we tumble out into the Florida heat.

Freedom. Sweet, sweet, FREEDOM…


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