Super Mom? Super FAIL!

I really want to be THAT mom. The one who has it all together. The fashionable career woman who balances her work and motherhood with considerable ease. I have yet to truly accept that I’m not that Mom. So I keep trying. And I keep failing. But the upside is that I am getting quite a few laughs out of my feeble attempts. 🙂

With Hurricane Sandy giving all of us East Coasters a good scare, I got to have an extra 2 days with my family. I thought it would be fun for the kiddos and I to make some cream filled chocolate cupcakes. They are supposed to be gourmet. I’m not even posting the link though because you’ll soon see it was not worth it.

For my baby girl’s 1st birthday earlier this month I made another kind of cupcake from the same site and they were ok but dry. I figured that was because I’m a pretty horrible cook/baker so I probably messed something up.

Pinterest inspired (dry) cupcakes and chocolate covered strawberries for my daughter’s 1st birthday.

Up close shot of the birthday girl’s big cupcake!

So tonight we embarked on our second cupcake-from-scratch adventure. First Big Daddy Byron gave me a tutorial on how to use the Kitchenaid mixer. He even made me repeat the steps back to him.

You don’t scare me Kitchenaid mixer!

However the Gorilla thought you were loud.

So far, so good…

All was going well.  Binxy was playing happily. The Gorilla was being such a good helper.  Then we put the cupcakes in to bake.

My first clue that this was not going to go as planned….they are overflowing…

Apparently my idea of “3/4 full” is different than the rest of the world’s idea of filling a baking cup 3/4 full. I swear I filled them according to the directions. Did I get a ruler out and make sure I was PRECISE? Hell no, we haven’t instituted the Common Core in our house so no I did not! (Teachers, you’ll get that. Everyone else, you will not. Sorry.)

But we kept plugging along…I pulled the cupcakes out when I was supposed to and besides having overflowed they looked pretty tasty. Then I actually tried to get them out to fully cool.

First cupcake I got out and I knew this was a complete fail. The birthday cupcakes from Binxy’s party? Too dry…these bad boys? WAY TOO MOIST. Completely fell apart.

I was not to be deterred by some moist cupcakes though. Oh no. I had to continue on. So I whipped up the cream filling though I had not yet determined exactly how I was going to fill cupcakes that fell apart if you walked past them faster than a 0.5 mph pace.

So, I was supposed to mix this all together until it was “spreadable.” Um, how about blew right past spreadable and ended up at “pourable.” This was not a cream, it was a liquid.

Still, I could not be stopped. We were going to make cream filled gourmet Pinterest cupcakes and nothing would stop me. I had to be that mom. “Look at me! I work a gazillion hours a week but occasionally I find time to whip up some delectable gourmet cupcakes for my little family! Don’t you wish you were me?!”

I took a little taste of the cream. Not totally horrible but who the hell decided it was ok to tell people to put a “dash” of something in a recipe? What exactly is a dash? I can tell yout his – it is NOT 1/8 of a teaspoon. Turns out, 1/8 teaspoon of almond extract in this particular recipe equals a super sweet almondy-cream. GROSS.  Even that wouldn’t stop me though.  My babies needed these cupcakes, even if they tasted like trash that had been sitting in the hot July sun for 48 hours because we all forgot the trash guys don’t come on the 4th of July holiday.

As I realized I had to somehow get this fluid cream into the center of the cupcakes which had alread deteriorated, I began to get anxious. We had just had a hurricane pass through yet I was more panicked about these damn cupcakes. So I found a few that looked like they might not completely cumble all at once and began to work.

Look, I kinda did it!

So I filled 3 or so cupcakes and was admiring my handiwork. In that 3 seconds that I took to myself in which I could feel the beginnings of pride start to replace the ball of anxiety in my gut, I looked at the bowl of cream. CURDLED.

You think curdled cream filling will stop this determined mama? You’re outta your mind.

By this time the Gorilla was busy torturing his baby sister who was busy torturing my ear drums with her screams. I deftly lifted her to my hip, gave the Gorilla my signature side-eye and threat of an early bedtime (which I never follow through with…sign me up for Parent of the Year!), and finished the job I began.

Ta-da! Gourmet curdled cream-filled chocolate cupcakes courtesy of a big, fat PINTEREST FAIL!

Can I have more chocolate crumbs Mama? Let’s forget about that cream though.

There are three things you can count on though…

1.)  This will definitely be submitted to that Pinterest Fail site at some point.

2.)  This cannot keep me away from Pinterest nor did it curb my desire to be that mom.

3.)  Big Daddy Byron will eat these cupcakes. He will eat anything. Ew.

 

 

 

One time I tried to interview my husband. FAIL.

So I tried to get Big Daddy Byron to write a guest post. He’s not ready for it.  So I thought I’d do a little Q&A with him.  That was quite the epic fail.  However I transcribed the worst interview EVER so that you could all enjoy it.

 

Me:  What do you think of Frankenstorm? 

BDB:  What do you mean what do I think of it?

Me:  What do you think of the storm?

BDB:  It’s a storm.

Me:  What else?

BDB:  What do u mean what else?

(*SIGH* This was definitely not going as planned. He is not being hilarious.  He is, however, being quite irritating.)

BDB:  I can’t work under pressure like you. I think it’s a Frankenstorm. Why are you typing?

ME:  Just talk to me.

BDB:  Ok.

*SILENCE* (My irritation multiplies. I have two choices. Throw the laptop across the room or get Big Daddy riled up. I choose the latter so I ask about the election. He always gets ridiculous when politics are mentioned.)

Me:  What do you think of the election?

BDB:  I think they’re both idiots.

Me:  You’re being awfully short tonight.

BDB:  That’s what she said.

Me:  Should I give up?

BDB:   Yeah, just give up.

 

UGH. I tried. Til next time!

Boo…I’m not dead.

Perhaps you thought I died.  No, not the case. Though that may have been preferable to the week I had. It wasn’t horrible. Really, I shouldn’t complain because I’m blessed in so many ways that a hectic week shouldn’t get me down.

Can’t let a few long days at work get me down like this sad rhino!

Besides a couple long nights, my babies got sick. Then my big baby, Big Daddy Byron, got sick. That’s been fun. If you consider not sleeping fun. Because none of us have slept much.

Then there was my big disapointment. I got to meet someone sort of famous. Someone who wrote a best-selling book. So I thought, here’s my chance to get some great advice from an expert. Since I’ve got big plans to be a famous writer. (Ha.) Yeah, that didn’t happen. Interesting person…and though we may have had a few things in common…she had a….naivete….about her. (I think I used naivete correctly. Not sure. Don’t care to check.) She was more interested in her world than anyone elses. Which is fine. But that’s not my style. I also got the odd feeling that she felt like she had something to prove. I guess when you’re in your twenties you sometimes do feel like that…(said the 29 year old on the brink of 30!).  I think the most positive thing that came out of it is that I got to pay forward some kindness the night that I met this person. No need to elaborate but you know how I love my random acts of kindness.

Dinner with a best-selling author was nice…would have been nicer with a stiff drink.

And now I guess I have to address the obvious…I’ve missed 2 Fake It Fridays in a row. Thank you sweet, sweet exhaustion. I swear, I really am going to do my best to get it together and be back in action by next Friday. The good news is that trick or treat night is Wednesday.  Why does that matter you ask? Well, I happen to have 2 young, adorable children.  They are so precious that people are sure to throw buckets of candy into their little treat bags.  And did I mention that they are young? In fact, they are still young enough that they won’t notice that most of their candy is gone when they wake on November 1. So I’ll have a serious stash of candy to give me the sugar rush I need to stay up Friday night to blog. SCORE.

Halloween candy + wine = back on track for Fake It Friday!

What day is it?

It’s SUNDAY. Which means I missed Fake It Friday. Definitely unintentional.  Let me explain…

Remember how I posted about not sleeping? Well, I’ve been doing a lot of that this past week.  So when Friday rolled around I was beyond exhausted, but determined to keep on faking it and get a post published.

Then bedtime happened. It was time for the Gorilla to go to sleep. So I snuggled in with him to help him fall asleep…and the next thing I know I woke up and it was 11:00 pm.  Nothing left to do at that point except head over to my bed and finish out the night.  Needless to say, I actually felt a little better at least.

More to come soon…I’ve got another sleepless week ahead so I’m sure I’ll get a post or two finished. 😉

I’m dreaming of a PINTEREST Christmas!

In case you haven’t noticed, we have entered the holiday season. As a seasoned procrastinator, this excites me. Nothing compares to the thrill of waiting until the very last minute (i.e. about 4 pm on 12/24) to realize you are completely unprepared for the biggest commercial holiday of the year and then scrambling to throw a few last minute things (i.e. a Christmas tree and heartfelt gifts and a meal that didn’t come out of a box or can) together.

So even though I just love the rush of taking my sweet time to do anything holiday related until the last possible second, Pinterest has sucked me in once again (SURPRISE!) and I found a little somethin’ somethin’ to create that will hopefully help me to be a bit more organized.

The lovely ladies over at eighteen25 have put together a 10 step plan for crafting an adorable Christmas planner.  But before I get to that…I have a sidebar:

Jen, from eighteen25, and I e-mailed a bit about the planner and she suggested that I get hooked up with a “linky party” to get my blog out there.  So my question is…what is a linky party and how do I get invited to one? Help please!

Ok, back to the Christmas planner…so I had my 2 besties (haha, yes, I’m 12 years old) over to enjoy some wine and create a planner. Except one is on a diet and one is 8 months pregnant so basically I just drank my wine (and theirs). It turns out that wine + crafts = a half-assed Christmas planner.

Besides my friends and Big Daddy Byron, my arch nemesis attended this Christmas-themed Pinterest party. Mod Podge. This time though, I faced off with the brush on kind rather than the spray on mod podge. Definitely a better outcome, though I use the term “better” loosely.

So we meet again…

First I cut up some scrapbook paper.  Totally did not use the hole punch they recommended. In fact, other than reading about a hole punch, I pretty much decided to forgo the whole “reading directions” thing.

1 glass of wine…not looking too bad!

Oh look…she’s pregnant…I’ll just have her glass too!

Oh look…now there’s ink everywhere…I’ll drink to that!

Time to coat it with mod podge.

Ta-da! Finished Christmas planner!

Overall, besides getting a little too excited with the ink pad and a few rough edges, it didn’t turn out too bad. Definitely pretty easy to make. I should have read the directions though because I’m pretty sure a stapler was supposed to be involved somehow but I decided to just use a couple glue dots. Which means the front and back cover are only sort of attached to the composition book. Ah well. It can still serve it’s purpose. In fact, I’ve even used it already.  In the calendar section, I wrote “Christmas” on the space for 12/25. Before ya know it, I’ll be wrapping gifts on the 23rd instead of the 24th!

 

 

 

 

 

Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Mind

Last week was rough. It felt like a neverending work week. The students were great, they haven’t stressed me out too much this year so far.  One of the reasons for my stress levels shooting through the roof is that my student teacher is done on Thursday, the 18th, so I started teaching for the majority of the day last week. Poor me, right? 😉 It was like adjusting from summer all over again.  Though I definitely wasn’t doing nothing while she was teaching, I was getting all the extras done that I typically either don’t do or do a half-assed job with since there’s never enough time. So now that I’m back to reality, it’s taken me a few days to get back into a routine. I’ve chosen not to manage my time very well either this weekend (like blogging instead of working on my grad assignment) so that’s not helping. Ah well, it’s not like I sleep anyway. That was just one of the things that was weighing on my mind.

Another was that I had a very humbling experience. (I think I used humble correctly. Not 100% sure. Lucky for you I don’t really care right now if I’m using words in the correct context. I just hope I sound smart.) I try to stay positive and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. However there is someone I’ve judged over the past few years.  I really haven’t wasted too much time judging this person thankfully, but in passing I’ve been guilty. Never thought twice about it. Stood on my soapbox when I could and spouted off to anyone who would listen about how I don’t like being judged when people don’t really know me or my story.  But I kept judging.

Yup, that’s me. The hypocritical Christian though, although I’m far from perfect, I never thought of myself that way very often in recent years as I’ve tried to get my life in order until this past week.  And then it hit me hard. Why? Because I had a couple of random (yeah right it was random….all in God’s plan!) opportunities to get to know the person I had been occasionally judging from afar. Man, was I ever wrong. So, so wrong. I forgot that I’m not the only person with a story. This person has a story too. And though I don’t know this person very well yet, I’ve come to realize that our stories may be more similar than different.

As I thought about that one evening, the realization that I had been so hypocritical hit me like a ton of bricks. Then it occurred to me that I had been making some other judgements that are probably unjust. I may not like the people I’ve judged but they’ve got stories too. I may not care to know their story and they may not care to know mine – and that’s ok – but we’ve all got stories. And I should just leave well enough alone and spend my time and energy on something that’s more worthwhile and positive than dwelling on the negative.

It’s also made me more aware of how I’ve been/am being judged. It’s pretty obvious when it happens. I’m insecure as it is so of course it’s an uncomfortable feeling for me to know about it…but at the same time, it’s been a blessing that it’s happened. Because my focus should not be, and will not be from this point forward, on what others think of me. Frankly, I don’t care because it doesn’t matter. The only opinion I need to care about is God’s opinion. Am I living the way He knows I should be? Nope, not if I’m spending my time judging others or worrying about what the world thinks about me.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that these recent events occurred at the same time. I needed my eyes opened as the one casting judgement and the one being judged unjustly. I thank God for that because I know that after this past week, these are some areas of my life that I know I need to start reflecting on more and trying to improve.

Fake It Friday!

Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Fake it.

Fake it who?

FAKE IT FRIDAY!

Horrible, I know. Anywho, this life-altering edition of Fake It Friday is NOT sponsored by…

BUTTER. I wish it were though.

So I wanted some butter tonight.  But I’m a classy broad, so I couldn’t just drink it from the bottle. I added a little popcorn to it so I could keep my dignity. However I ended up with an unexpected side of anger and bewilderment.

 

Exhibit A: The convenient Popcorn button on the microwave.

 

Exhibit B: Check out step #1 of the directions: Do not use the popcorn button.

Why in the hell is there a popcorn button if I’m not supposed to use it?! Talk about rage. I almost flipped the kitchen table when I saw that my right to use the popcorn button was being challenged. I cleared my head though and stuck it to the man…I used that button and I liked it. I’m leading the popcorn button rebellion…Katniss ain’t got nothin’ on me.

But back to Fake It Friday. Two tips this week for faking it…and these two I happen to be a pro at.

1.)  Don’t sleep.
2.)  Drink a LOT of coffee. As in gallons.

If you don’t sleep you can at least get some things accomplished (though we all know the to-do list never ends) so it looks like you’re on top of things. No one needs to know you really only accomplished the low-priority items on your list.

Obviously if you’re not sleeping in order to look like you have it all together, you’re going to need help functioning during the day. Coffee is my go-to for that little issue. I find it delicious and refreshing. Whatever your drug of choice is to help you stay awake after pulling an all-nighter, I do just hope it’s not an actual drug. We don’t need anyone having a Jessie Spano episode. (If you get that reference, you rock.)

Big Daddy’s Pinterest Project

Surprise, surprise…another Pinterest themed post. It must be your lucky day. You’re welcome. HA! 😉

I’m still at it. This is probably the longest I’ve ever stuck with something crafty. You are witnessing a miracle.

Project:  A shelf over the door to one of our bathrooms. Why? Not sure. We don’t store much in that bathroom anyway since it’s the half bath, but I saw it on Pinterest and I really want to be one of the cool organized kids so I made Big Daddy Byron participate. And by participate I mean I made him do it all.

Big Daddy’s Pinterest project that would not have been done had I not been the amazing supervisor that I was.

This shelf did inspire Big Daddy Byron to clean out a closet though and begin storing toilet paper for this bathroom on this shelf. So the shelf served it’s purpose and I am one step closer to being organized. Soon I’ll probably be in charge of the world. It’s only a matter of time.

Fake It Friday

Life’s too short to be too serious so here we are again with another heart-warming rendition of FAKE IT FRIDAY!

My absolute fave…
*Nissley does not support the views or opinions expressed in this blog. No one does really.

I know you love the festive jack-o-lantern in the background. Happy 1st Fake It Friday of October!

Tonight’s tip…when creating something, make it cute.  Bedazzle it, add glitter, have someone with nice handwriting write it out or type in the cutest font you can find. Hot glue puppies to it. Wait, I mean pictures of puppies.

I discovered this while looking through PINTEREST for anchor charts to make for upcoming units I’ll be teaching. There are some charts out there that are unebelievably cute. I didn’t even read what was on them, I just instantly pinned them.

So go ahead…make that poster that tells everyone you’ll return to your office or room at 1:00 pm after your afternoon poop…just make it pretty and no one will even bother to read it. However they’ll walk away knowing you really have your shit together…literally. 😉

He may be a gorilla…

…but he’s MY gorilla. I know I rant from time to time…but I love that kid. He is HILARIOUS and helpful and loving and I can’t get enough of him or my sweet, sweet Binxy. Amen for my little blessings. Amen.

I am truly, without a doubt, too blessed to be stressed.